


Living Nightmares

by Monicaoakwood



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Carmilla has slight PTSD, F/F, Laura tries to help but Carmilla is a ball of angst, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 16:43:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7648651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monicaoakwood/pseuds/Monicaoakwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla has a series of graphic nightmares about her past, Laura tries to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living Nightmares

The room was dark and dimly lit. As always, Carmilla was in a long hallway wearing her favorite gown. The one with red bows that cascaded down her back, feathered across her left hip then down her side. It was lace trimmed, and a soft cream color that made her features radiate beauty. The light waltzing music swelled in the background behind her, it sounded almost muffled from the walls that separated them; she looked around at the two walls beside her. Candle holders lined each one all the way down to the end of the hall, but only a few candles were still lit. The rest had been snuffed out long ago. Before her was an all too familiar girl standing not too far away. Even though it was hard to tell Carmilla could still see the cute little mole just on her cheek. The girl’s head was bowed with her long silky hair covering up most of her face, and she was dressed in nothing but a faint whisper of her nightgown and slippers covering her feet. All of which were a stark white contrast to the enclosing darkness around them.   
  
“You should’ve saved me.” The girl said as her body unnaturally lurched forward. It was an inhuman and sickening motion that should have made Carmilla sick to her stomach, but for Carmilla, she was just happy to see the girl move at all.  

“You could have saved me Carmilla.” Her voice was barely a whisper yet it echoed all about the room. Almost like her voice was coming from more than one being.  “Why didn’t you save me?” She cried as she trudged forward once more getting closer to Carmilla.

Tendrils which seemed to be forged from shadows began to close in around the two of them as the rest of the dim light from the candles began to float to one point and compile into one source altogether. The music started to fade away as the light began to quiver and pulsate above the girl’s head, _Ell’s_ head. It’s very existence made Carmilla’s dead porcelain skin crawl and her stomach turn with unease. Suddenly there was a high pitched ear-splitting scream erupting from the girl’s mouth as blood began pouring from every orifice of her body. A hand was slowly penetrating its way from inside her chest cavity behind her, tearing apart raw flesh, until Ell’s beating heart was being held out before the girl for Carmilla to see.  
  
“Ell! NO!” Carmilla shrieked as she began reaching out for the girl with her whole being trying to help despite her own body being frozen to the floor. She tried to move, to reach out for the girl she loved as carnage and gore continued to gush and ooze from her body. Finally, the hand within Ell convulsed within her body. A crack echoed throughout the suffocating dark silence around them. Ell’s body fell limply to the floor as Carmilla crumbled down to her knees, wailing into her hands.

Suddenly, Carmilla was blinded by an intense flash. She collapsed onto the ground, breathing heavily. When she opened her eyes, she  realized she was no longer in the dark hallway. She was lying on her back, facing the ominous sky brewing overhead. Dark clouds rolled across her field of vision. Occasionally, a streak of lightning would illuminate the sky, interrupting the darkness. To make matters worse, an ice-cold rain began to fall. The drops felt like needles as they splashed onto her body.

"Where am I?" She whispered to herself.

Carmilla tried to push herself up off the ground and run from this terrible storm, but she could barely move her limbs. That was when she realized that her motions were being restricted by metal shackles wrapping around her wrists, joined by thick, heavy chains. She thrashed from side to side in desperation, but each jolt of her body resulted in her hitting wooden planks. They encased her. She was trapped. Everything around her smelled strongly of blood, but her appetite was long gone.

She continued pushing against her wooden prison, screaming and crying out for Ell, for Matska, for anyone to rescue her.

Suddenly, an all-too-familiar face peered over her. _Mother._

"Your cries for help are futile, darling. No one would go out of their way to save a traitor."

"Mother. Get me out of here, _now,"_ Carmilla ordered.

Her mother let out a curt laugh. "You really are foolish. Why should I help you when you have gone against the orders of your own mother? You selfish girl, I never should have trusted you," she replied. Carmilla flinched as the woman standing before her gave the ground a soft kick, sending dirt into the pit where Carmilla was trapped.

"You murdered Ell. How could you? _I loved her._ " Carmilla snapped.

"My dear, you have no idea how love even works, do you? Everything I have ever done for you has been out of love. I transformed you with my own hands. I taught you everything you know about being a vampire. I gave you a second chance at the life you so unfortunately lost at such a young age. I offered you an eternity full of nothing but grand partying and luxuries since then. _That_ is love. Not something given to you by a naïve little girl who bats her eyelashes at you and plants fanciful ideas into your head."

"You're the one trying to control me mother, not her," Carmilla replied shakily.

"Exactly. The little moppet was just getting in the way of the plan. I had no choice but to dispose of her after you disobeyed me. Where do you think all this blood came from?"

"No!" The noise that left Carmilla's throat was barely human.

"I should have let you bleed out on that ballroom floor that night so many years ago. You should have rotted in the ground a long, long time ago."

It was then that Carmilla realized where she was. A _coffin._ And her mother was the one who put her there.

"You have betrayed me," she said. "And now you shall learn your lesson."

Mother held her hand in front of her, hovering over the pit. With a graceful, fluid motion of her hand, the coffin lid began closing in on her. Carmilla's vision slowly filled with darkness until all she could see was a thin sliver of light at the edge. She could feel her staggered breaths against the lid of the coffin. She felt like she was suffocating. She fought against the splintery wood, but her thrashing was fruitless.

Soon, everything went black.

 ~~~~~~~~

Within an instant, Carmilla’s eyes burst open as she sat up in her own bed panting in fear. It was dark in their room. It was too _fucking_ dark. Why did everything have to be so dark?

Carmilla ran out of the bed and looked into the closest mirror she could find rubbing her hands together nervously as she tried not to panic. She couldn’t run fast enough. The moment she saw her reflection in the mirror she examined and scrutinized over every inch of her skin for signs of blood. When she found none a huge sigh of relief was finally released from her chest. She hadn’t even realized she had been holding her breath.   
  
Looking back at the mirror she sat down on the floor and leaned her sweaty head against the cool glass to anchor herself.

“Just a dream. It was only a dream.” Carmilla told herself with her closed eyes making sure to take deep breaths. She could feel her hair sticking to the back of her neck as well as her tank top drenched in disgusting nightmare sweat.

Once she was sure all was right she turned around and just focused on breathing. Three seconds in through her nose, seven seconds out from her mouth and repeat.

She was in the bedroom she shared with Laura. In their shared apartment. They had just moved in together last month. Laura had a nice smile. Laura liked sunrises over sunsets because it meant it was a new day instead of one that was ending. Laura drank hot chocolate in the mornings and at night. She hated coffee. Carmilla promised to protect Laura. Laura promised to protect Carmilla. Laura loved her. She loved Laura. Carmilla kept repeating those simple facts to herself in her head to keep her anchored. Despite not even feeling like she was actually in the room she managed to at least stay within herself. This was real. Everything around her was real. The dream was not her reality anymore.

She could hear the faint ticking of Laura’s small daisy clock. Carmilla had bought it for her when they first moved it as a housewarming present. It moved back and forth by its stem and woke Laura up by singing that stupid good morning song from an old movie Carmilla had never bothered looking up. Laura liked it though. She focused intensely on the faint monotonous sound it made. The way it swung back and forth from its base. It’s white petals, it’s yellow center.

Finally, she was back and in one piece mentally.

Carmilla stood up slowly to make sure she didn’t jostle herself from reality once more and slowly tiptoed around the room. She walked as slowly as she possibly could, afraid that the much more awful days would become real all over again. Finally, she made her way over to the bathroom and splashed some water on her face when she heard the light turn on.   
  
“Mmm, Carm?” Laura asked. The girl looked around for a moment only to see the spot next to her in bed was empty and heard the bathroom sink running. “Carm, what are you doing up? I mean I know you like being up in the middle of the night but it’s not even midnight yet.” Laura said with a groan as she stretched out.   
  
Carmilla walked over to Laura and kissed her forehead tenderly.  “Sorry cupcake, I didn’t mean to wake you,”

“Normally you’re not up until three, is something wrong?”   
  
Carmilla swallowed and shook her head easing Laura back down on the bed as she sat beside her and kissed her cheek. “Nah, just go to bed alright? I’m fine.”   
  
Laura made that adorable pout that made Carmilla wish she never did a bad thing in her life and sat back up against despite Carmilla insisting she go to sleep.

“Spill it, missy,” she insisted while interlacing her fingers with Carmilla’s.   
  
With a sigh, Carmilla kissed each of Laura’s knuckles in her hand. “It was just a nightmare.” She finally admitted trying to ignore Laura’s obvious concern that instantly flashed across her face.   
  
“Nightmares? Are… Is vampire nightmares a bad omen? Do we need to go find a magical sword again?” Laura asked already to spring into action and save the day. God, she was just too perfect.   
  
“No, no just… Just normal nightmares. Vampiric nightmares don’t mean anything, I promise.” Carmilla assured her little girlfriend.   
  
“Oh… well, do you wanna talk about them?” Laura asked, making room on the bed for Carmilla to lie down with her so they could talk about stupid cupcake stuff like feelings and emotions. Great.

“It… It was about Ell. Ell and Maman.” She finally admitted squeezing Laura’s hand a bit tighter than she normally did.   
  
“I thought you didn’t see Ell in your dreams? That you couldn’t.”   
  
Carmilla let out a dry chuckle. “Yeah well, so did I up until a few months after we did the whole… well, you know. The sushi thing. Up until it was just about me being buried alive and… yeah.” She mumbled pulling back her hand just realizing that if she held Laura’s hand any harder she might have felt the scars Carmilla always kept concealed. “It’s stupid.”   
  
“It’s not stupid, Carm. I know how much it hurts to have someone taken away from you. And I know your mother is horrible and manipulative and that she’s done things to you that break my heart because the thought of anyone ever wanting to hurt you makes me sick. And we talked about how we need to be open about our feelings, this time, around since I lost you once before because I didn’t listen to your feelings and I don’t think I can go through that again and—”

“Shh, cupcake. It’s fine.”

“Hey, aren’t I supposed to be the one comforting you? Not the other way around!” Laura pressed her shoulder tighter against Carmilla’s, gently nudging her.

“Yeah, I guess so.” Carmilla sighed.=

Laura smiled at that as she held Carmilla’s hand once more and began brushing her thumb along the inside of her palm. Suddenly, she felt harsh, coarse scars against the pad of her thumb. She sat up a bit confused with Carmilla’s hand in her own and began to turn it over. Immediately Carmilla snatched her hand away from Laura and held both hands close to her chest as if Laura had just burned her.   
  
“Carm?” Laura asked full of worry. “Carm let me see.” She begged as Carmilla shook her head insistently.   
  
“Noooo.” She begged softly. Carmilla sounded almost like a little child just then, small and weak.    
  
“Carm, we just agreed to talk to each other. Please talk to me. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.” Laura pleaded as she cupped her hand on Carmilla’s cheek.   
  
Carmilla looked at Laura for a little while still holding her hands to her chest until she released them and flipped them over so Laura could see.

Her entire hands and wrists were covered in faded and pale scars. Most of the gnarled and deepest ones just under her fingernails.   
  
Laura looked at the in horror and felt her eyes tear up despite herself as she cupped Carmilla’s hands with her own that were beginning to shake.

“H….How?” Laura asked, barely above a whisper. 

  
“I had to get out of the coffin somehow,” Carmilla whispered as she pulled her hands away from Laura’s so the tiny girl couldn’t see them anymore. She bowed her head and curled her hands into fists.

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” She finally hissed as she got out from the bed and grabbed her jacket. “I never wanted to talk about it in the first place.” She mumbled. The moment her jacket was zipped up she snapped her fingers together and disappeared in a puff of smoke.   
  
“Carm no! Please, stop! Carmilla!” Laura begged after it was already too late. Without sparing a second thought Laura grabbed her phone and texted the one person she knew would be able to find Carmilla.

  
  
Laura wanted to scream. She slammed down her phone onto the nightstand and ran her hand through her hair. She couldn’t deal with this right now. She had an interview in the morning. It was midnight. If Carmilla wanted to be a dramatic bitch then fine. Growling to herself she got back into bed once she had plugged her phone in for the night and just went back to bed. She could deal with Carmilla in the morning.


End file.
